Resistance is...

a) futile
b) a waste of time
c) sometimes based on fear
d) all of the above

Last night I couldn't sleep for thinking of all the things I've been avoiding. High on the list of things I should be doing is working on my lines. I know them, but not like I should. One of the things I do to learn lines is make a tape of my cues, leaving enough blank space for me to recite my lines. This allows me to "run lines" with myself, and to work on lines on while doing other things. At least, that's what I usually do. The play opens in less than three weeks, and I haven't even finished the tape yet! Once in a while I ask JT to run lines with me, but not nearly enough. I just can't seem to bring myself to really work on them.

I think it's because I don't feel like Pooh. I don't think I'm doing a good job, think the director should have cast someone else, and believe I'm going to be the weak link in the show. How fun is that?

And the play should be fun: lead role in a well-loved children's show, the director's great, the cast is wonderful and talented. Why else do it, if not for the fun? So why not just relax, do my best, and have fun? Yeah, easy for you to say.

My natural inclination is to 1) castigate myself for not working harder (and being more talented), and
2) ridicule myself for being so stupid. But. Neither of those things are very helpful.

So. In the interest of treating myself kindly, I'm going to acknowledge that I feel scared about my ability to play the lead. And I'm going to tell myself that it's okay to feel scared. And that being scared to do something doesn't mean that I can't do it. I just need to relax. Do my best. And work on my lines.